


we are only haunted by the things we refuse to accept

by LikeAPanda



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Gen, Happy Ending, It's a bit heavy, Metaphors, Self-Indulgent, Short Story, Train Stations, dwelling in your own mind, i tend to make life lessons out of my writings i'm sorry, reassuring, this is kind of soft, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26615062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LikeAPanda/pseuds/LikeAPanda
Summary: The train station was his home.An audacious statement for someone who had no home at all. But when time came, he wasn’t allowed to leave. So he stayed. And it wasn’t like anyone would bother, really. Because no one ever set a foot onto the rusty floor of the abandoned train station. So he set his feet onto it and made sure they stayed there. And it never really bothered anyone. Because it wasn’t like anyone would actually go there voluntarily. Because it was a dead end, and everyone knew. And he also knew. But he stayed there nonetheless. Because the wind swept his hair like a train going by.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	1. A sense of ...

**Author's Note:**

> i recommend listening to Piano music while reading this;  
> i personally listened to _Hiraeth_ by _Niklas Ahlstedt_ ;; this piano piece is so so beautiful!!

**February, 16th**

The train station is once again empty.

  
  
  


**May, 25th**

When Jihoon first stepped onto the creaky panels, his eyes gleamed, filled with tears threatening to never drop. His gaze had freneticly wafted over the board hanging heavily above the platform. The last hope that had glistened inside his droopy eyes left him, letting a new star spark in the sky above. Because the board was as blank as his face, trying to keep his emotions in.

**May, 26th**

There was no hope - and Jihoon knew that. When the numbers fell, indicating that there was again, no train leaving this day. But Jihoon clearly didn’t care. He would probably wait some more time. It seemed like there was no one waiting for him. Nor was there a person, bothering his emptiness with words that had no meaning to them at all.

**May, 27th**

Jihoon never left the spot, three feet away from the end of the platform. His hair bounced, longing after the feeling of wind carrying him away. Away from the brokenness his heart represented, reverberating in the depth of his eyes.

**May, 28th**

Jihoon had looked up, seemingly hearing something. There was nothing.

**May, 29th**

It wasn’t long after the sun rose that Jihoon’s eyelids began to droop. He seemed to battle with himself, his mind not allowing him to rest his eyes. He was probably convinced that there was a train arriving soon. But the board hadn’t shown a single number since his arrival.

**May, 30th**

Jihoon fell asleep.

**May, 31st**

Jihoon stayed asleep.


	2. ... regret or despair ...

**June, 3rd**

It was when Jihoon woke up, that a sober expression had placed itself in his eyes. Maybe the time would feel less dragging for him now.

**June, 6th**

Jihoon had settled on resting his eyes once in a while, alternating between sleeping and waking every day. But it was clear his mind wasn't able to do that, too.

**June, 7th**

Jihoon had started crying. The pain echoed within the emptiness of this place, letting him hear his own agony. Jihoon looked broken. Almost as if he was caught up in a place he didn't want to be anymore.

**June, 8th**

Jihoon fell asleep.

**June, 9th**

Jihoon stayed asleep. Perhaps sleep could give him a freedom his mind didn't.

**June, 13th**

Jihoon had woken up again. It was in the middle of the night, when the sun prepared itself to rise once again. Jihoon had only sat there, looking at the stars and the moon, the little lights reflecting in his eyes. He looked beautiful like that. But still a little uncomprehending.

**June, 14th**

Jihoon had decided to change his spot. Now he sat two feet away from the end of the platform.

**June, 17th**

Jihoon's eyes never left the board. He didn't seem to accept that the numbers he wanted there just wouldn't come.

**June, 18th**

Jihoon had opened his mouth. Seconds later he seemed to realize that there was no one he could talk to.

**June, 19th**

Jihoon looked lonely. It made his eyebrows crease with a frown and his lips fall with sadness.

**June, 20th**

Jihoon doesn't seem to realize very soon.

**June, 23rd**

The clouds hung low today, embracing him like a blanket. Jihoon's hands trembled. Apparently he did not like the hug presented to him.

**June, 24th**

A distant honk let Jihoon's gaze snap up. Then he seemed to realize it was not his train.

**June, 29th**

Normally, people stayed at this train station for a month at most. But Jihoon's mind seemed particularly persistent. Jihoon stayed.

**June, 30th**

Jihoon looked lost. I felt bad for him, but I wasn't allowed to help. Not after only a month.


	3. ... may be strong today.

**July, 1st**

It was today that the murmurs started to arrive. Jihoon's mind had stayed quiet for a fair amount of time. Longer than the mind normally did. But Jihoon also did stay longer than anyone normally did. It concerns me.

**July, 2nd**

It was today that Jihoon started to notice the words floating through the air. The clouds dampened the words' persistence, but they made Jihoon's heart hurt none the less. Jihoon's hands found a place on his ears, his face twisting in agony.

**July, 3rd**

I wonder why Jihoon is here anyway. But his thoughts are all over the place. I can't make them out.

**July, 4th**

Jihoon tried to sleep. I wanted to tell him that sleep can't save him from his thoughts.

**July, 5th**

Jihoon's eyes were closed, but his mind was wide awake. Rain pattered onto the wood he was lying upon.

**July, 10th**

My hands twitched. Because Jihoon hadn't moved an inch, his eyes always only closed. His clothes were soaked and his skin pale. I am worried.

**July, 11th**

Jihoon just didn't seem to realize. He had sunken too deeply already, had already drowned before even arriving at the train station.

**July, 12th**

I'm concerned. Is there no one wanting to pick him up?

**July, 14th**

Jihoon still stayed lying. I was able to grab a thought hovering in the air today. I am so  _ concerned _ . I need to speak to the commander.

**July, 20th**

When I came back, Jihoon sat again, one foot away from the end of the platform. I could see the despair swimming in his eyes. The rain had stopped, but the clouds still hung heavily in the sky.

**July, 21st**

As soon as Jihoon fell asleep again, I had placed a blanket on top of his shoulders. The commander allowed me to intervene. Because it was unusual for someone to wait here for so long already.

**July, 22nd**

When Jihoon woke up, I could see his eyes glistening a bit. The blanket apparently had warmed his heart a bit. It made me smile.

**July, 23rd**

I had learned that people coming here felt lonely. I had learned that, when they truly  _ were _ alone, I needed to be there for them. Jihoon truly was alone. His thoughts had told me that.

**July, 25th**

Jihoon changed his place again. He sat three feet away from the end of the platform again.

**July, 27th**

With Jihoon's eyes reflecting the faraway stars, he looked truly beautiful. My heart felt warm.

**July, 31st**

I'm confused. Why is Jihoon still here, when his heart seemed to lighten up with every action I did?


	4. It probably isn't based in ...

**August, 1st**

Jihoon is  _ still here. _

**August, 4th**

Today I realized why Jihoon is still here. I hope the commander didn't supervise me the last few days. I am afraid my mistake could cost me my job. Because I had been too blinded by Jihoon's slight smile hovering over his lips.

His eyes are still fogged over.

**August, 5th**

I fear Jihoon's eyes have gotten too accustomed to the sight of the train station. I fear Jihoon's reality has shifted. Oh, this is very bad.

**August, 7th**

The lonely fog still hovers in the air. I want to tell Jihoon that he's not alone. But I am not allowed to speak. Not yet. Please, just wait for a bit longer, Jihoon.

**August, 10th**

I don't know when I've gotten so attached to Jihoon. But his damp hair framed his pale face just so, so beautifully. The tears running down his cheeks sparkled like the stars above.

**August, 11th**

I wonder if Jihoon can feel my gentle touches when he sleeps?

**August, 12th**

Jihoon's fingers lay gently on his rosened cheeks today. I believe he can feel them.

**August, 14th**

I've never had someone wait for their train for so long before. I've never had the fog embracing me and my guest for so long before. It's unsettling.

**August, 15th**

Normally, the quiet of the train station helps the people. They learn to think, reason, and realize. It seems like it doesn't help Jihoon. I believe for him it is poison.

**August, 16th**

There are people better off alone. Those people like to dwell on their thoughts, make them tumble through their mind and think them over and over. Those people like the quiet. They always are here for the shortest amount of time, a week at most.

**August, 17th**

There are people that don't like thinking. They don't like to enter their mind, because for them it has always only brought bad things. Those people need an impulse. The fog hovering in the air normally tells them that something is wrong, that the sky shouldn't look like this and the train station shouldn't be empty. They start to think. Those people are here for some time, but never too long, three weeks at most.

**August, 18th**

Then there are people like Jihoon. I've never had someone like Jihoon before, because they usually never arrive at the train station, having emptied their mind on the way there already. People like Jihoon need other people. People like Jihoon don't like the quiet. They like talking to others, like emptying their mind to others because it makes them feel more at ease. People like Jihoon always have someone to talk to. Jihoon apparently doesn't.

**August, 19th**

Jihoon needs someone to talk to. Jihoon needs someone to tell him that he's not alone. Jihoon needs someone to tell him that this is not reality, just a place to linger for a while. Jihoon needs other's words to make him think.

**August, 21st**

Just a bit longer.

**August, 22nd**

Jihoon's eyes began drooping again. I almost left my spot. But I know I'm not allowed to, yet.

**August, 23rd**

I want to wipe away his tears.

**August, 25th**

Tomorrow.


	5. ... reality.

When the third month ends, Soonyoung is allowed to leave his spot. Because when people stayed three months already, they were prone to never leave if there was no one to intervene. People that stayed three months didn't have anywhere to go to, so they just stayed in this place. But this place wasn't reality. Soonyoung felt Jihoon's tired, confused eyes on him when he sat down in front of him.

"This is not reality", Soonyoung whispered, gracing Jihoon's lips with the pad of his right hand's thumb, seeing Jihoon's eyelashes flutter shut gently.

"Sometimes, your mind can trap you and make you feel like there's no way out. Like you have an one-way ticket that makes you tumble only deeper and deeper." Soonyoung cupped Jihoon's face in a loving manner, his breath fanning over the other's cheek so, so calmingly. Soonyoung gently tilted Jihoon's head, making his gaze drift over the empty rails lying so heavily next to the platform Jihoon has spent his last months on.

When Jihoon's eyes opened carefully, he could see another platform on the other side. Jihoon can't remember it being there, can only remember a heavy fog hovering and restricting his view.

"But if you really want it, if you try and let your mind think about it clearly, then you will find there is always a way out. There is always a way out, and some people will find it on their own, and other people will need someone to help them focus their mind.

"You are not alone, Jihoon. There are people out there that love you. But you have to let them in, you have to allow them to love you. You don't have to deal with things on your own."

Jihoon's eyes widened. He had listened to Soonyoung's words attentively, letting them sink in his heart. Jihoon's quivering gaze focused on the board on the other side. There were tears leaving his eyes, dropping onto Soonyoung's fingers still gently cupping the other's face.

Jihoon couldn't believe his eyes as he actually read numbers, the board not being empty like the one he had stared at so, so hopelessly for so long.

Soonyoung took Jihoon's hand, his warmth corresponding with Jihoon's cold like two opposites oddly compatible. And Soonyoung's steps were so light, floaty, as he led Jihoon over the rails, the smaller almost tripping, not being used to using his legs anymore.

The board indicated that a new train was arriving soon. A weird sensation unfolded inside Jihoon's heart, making it tremble. Soonyoung only looked at Jihoon with a knowing smile.

"You're free to go, when you feel ready", Soonyoung whispered, his lips fanning over Jihoon's. It made the smaller close his eyes, drown in the feeling of something soft against his lips, his heart becoming lighter. Jihoon thought a burden had been lifted off of it.

When Jihoon opened his eyes again, he sat in a train, seeing Soonyoung waving him goodbye through the fogged up window between them. The train left the station with a honk.

  
  
  


**August, 27th**

The train station is once again empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to talk, i'm always here!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/DieAvocadoTwins)


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